


These Arms of Mine

by piperholmes



Series: Positively Revivified [3]
Category: Sanditon (TV 2019), Sanditon - Jane Austen
Genre: Childbirth, F/M, Family Fluff, Fan artwork, Future Fic, Post Sanditon, Sidney being stubborn and sweet, baby girl - Freeform, marrieds
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:33:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23187823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piperholmes/pseuds/piperholmes
Summary: Sidney Parker has a problem. Everyone tells him he is spoiling his baby girl by holding her all the time. Charlotte perhaps believes it’s not really a problem.
Relationships: Charlotte Heywood/Sidney Parker
Series: Positively Revivified [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1653700
Comments: 36
Kudos: 111





	These Arms of Mine

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for the continued kind words and support for this little series of work! It warms my heart! This one got a little bit away from me. Turned out longer than I planned but oh well ^_^
> 
> This is unbeta’d!

Sidney had thought, in the beginning, in those early days when Charlotte needed a mid-afternoon nap to make it to the evening, when she was as likely to start the day nauseated and sick as she was ravenous and insatiable, when the idea of a baby was no more than a vague sense of delight and trepidation, he had thought the need for a nurse would be paramount. After all, that was the done thing. If Charlotte was going to be so exhausted and unwell then she would need help with a newborn child. That is what all the old society women had told him and as worldly and informed as Sidney Parker was, a pregnant wife and an unknown tiny human eluded his experiences. 

So he thought he was doing the right thing when he let Charlotte know she was free to hire whomever she felt would best suit her needs. The angry scowl he’d promptly received, complete with drawn brow and hard brown eyes, had surprised him. 

“You believe I need someone else to feed and care for my child?”

Her tone indicated danger and Sidney knew his wife well enough to recognize the warning. With a gentle nod and a small smile, he answered, “Of course not. Forgive me.”

She’d narrowed her eyes with suspension. “Are you placating me Mr. Parker?”

His smile deepened to something more genuine. “Wouldn’t dream of it, my love.”

”I’ll remind you I’ve helped raise 11 siblings and my mother never employed a nurse or nanny or governess.”

”Yes sir, Admiral Heywood Sir.” He’d given her a salute and her answering nod was his sign he was back in her good graces.

But he had been left somewhat confused. 

He knew so little of actually raising children he’d thought outside sources with such experience would have been a help, but Charlotte’s outright rejection of such help suggested otherwise. 

Lord Babington had been of no help. When Master Babington had made his lustrous entrance into the world, Babbers had sung the praises of their nurse, and Esther called the woman a godsend. Sidney had eyed Charlotte, her small hands cradling her now much-rounded figure as she cooed over the infant. She had given no indication she had an issue with Lady Babington’s employ of a nursemaid. 

Later that night, as he’d rubbed her lower back, he’d asked what she thought. 

“Well, I don’t begrudge any woman wanting or needing extra help. I know that’s the way it’s done among the ton.” She’d bit her lip in that adorable way that always made him want to kiss her and know every thought in her head. 

“What is it?”

”I’ve been thinking...”

He raised an eyebrow. “Yes?”

”I know I was rather short with you when you first suggested employing help, only now that I think about it perhaps _some_ help wouldn’t be so bad.”

His hands slowed their motion and she spun as well as her encumbered body would allow. “Not all the time you understand. I will be the only one feeding our child and the baby will stay with me and will sleep with us, but perhaps having someone to help from time to time would be...alright?”

He’d tilted his head in thought. Unsure how to respond to how her voice vacillated between unquestionable conviction to vulnerable uncertainty.

He’d kissed her furrowed brow. “That sounds perfect.”

The smile she’d rewarded him with had been assurance enough that his answer had been well received, and he silently congratulated himself.

His self-assurance had suffered greatly in the final days of Charlotte's confinement. She’d born her discomfort with equanimity and fortitude for as long as she could, but her exhaustion, nagging back pain, and general unrest had left her weepy and disgruntled. And Sidney had never felt more uncertain or useless. Charlotte’s mother had come to help and Mary stopped by every day, and Mrs. Stafford, the midwife—for Charlotte firmly but kindly declined being attended by Dr. Fuchs—checked on her regularly. Each was able to provide a comfort to Charlotte that he felt unequal to. Seeming to sense his discomfiture Charlotte had smiled extra wide at him and often reached for his hand to just sit with her quietly. But he was restless without a task, without some way to help, so she’d given him the responsibility of finding a young girl for the position of occasional nurse. 

Sidney had thrown himself into the mission. He’d met with a dozen different women, using the quiet, critical eye that made him a success in business to spot the best choice for his family. 

Tess Greene was the oldest of 10 children. Raised in Sanditon, she enjoyed the outdoors and knew the landscape well. She was softly but well spoken and was the only one who didn’t seem to mind that the position wasn’t a full-time commitment. 

“My Ma still needs quite a bit of help at home sir. I know the wages would be a blessin’ but havin’ me at home to keep the lit’lins from underfoot as often as I can would be rightly appreciated too.”

Tess and Charlotte had made fast friends, and watching his wife lose some of the tension around her eyes had thrilled him in a way he’d never experienced. 

A few days later Charlotte’s crisis began in mid-morning and Sidney had entered an entirely new level of hell. Tom had sat with him well into the night, a commiserating half-smile on his lips. Lord Babington had come after dinner, a firm hand on Sidney’s shoulder, a well-meaning, though fruitless effort to stay Sidney’s prowling about the room. 

“Come, have a drink,” Babington tried.

Sidney gave no indication he’d heard. The sounds of Charlotte’s moans and occasional cry sent him pacing. 

“She’s so strong,” he said to no one, to everyone, to God. “She will be fine.”

Babington only nodded, throwing Tom a frown. Both men understood the need to speak those words aloud.

“I am so big though, and Charlotte, she’s so small...what if the baby is too big?” 

Tom jumped to his feet and poured Sidney a drink, forcing it into his hands. Sidney had also spoken the words no man wanted to ever acknowledge.

“Don’t Sidney,” Tom warned. “You’ll make yourself go mad.”

Another long moan sounded and then he thought he heard his name. It was faint and he stopped his movement, head cocked to listen. He heard it again, stronger this time. 

She was calling him.

He set the cup down and ran from the room, ignoring the calls of his friend and brother. 

He pushed through the door to their room and was met by the scandalizes gasps of Mrs. Heywood and Mary. 

“Sidney!” Mary cried, her rebuke clear.

Mrs. Heywood, who’d been pressing a cooling cloth to her daughter’s brow, froze with shock.

Feeling a right cad, Sidney began to stammer, “I thought....that is to say, I thought I heard...”

”Sidney,” her voice interceded, pulling his gaze to her.

She lay on her side, her hair wild with curls, her face red and swollen, and her hand stretched out to him. He moved swiftly, kneeling next to the bed, his face now even with hers as he took her hand into his.

”Charlotte,” he breathed, her name a question, a plea, a command. 

“I just needed to see your face and hear your voice,” she panted. “Just for a moment.”

Her other hand came to rest against his cheek, her touch hot and inelegant. Up close he could see the path of dried tears down her cheek before she squeezed her eyes shut, her grip in his hand tightening, a desperate, pathetic groan as her body tightened beyond bearability as she arched away from the bed. 

“Charlotte?” He said again, but it was clear she did not heed him. She had turned inward to battle through the pain gripping her body until with a startled cry she declared she needed to push. 

Mrs. Stafford took charge, pulling the covers away and Mary grabbed at Sidney’s shoulder. “Out,” she scolded. “Now.”

Sidney found himself on the other side of the door, his last glimpse of Charlotte as she gripped the headboard, her leg on the midwife’s shoulder, bearing down with all her might. 

He couldn’t move from that spot. He leaned against the door and slowly slid to the floor, Charlotte’s panting breath and labored cries ringing about him. 

The moment of relief he felt when Charlotte’s final, strangled vociferation was answered with a halting, crackly cry of the child was so strong he felt dizzy with it, drunk and wobbly. He rose to his knees and could only smile in wonder as he heard Charlotte’s watery laugh. 

She’d done it. His brave, outspoken, sweet girl had done it

Tom and Babbers, having heard for themselves the arrival of the new Parker, hauled Sidney to his feet, clapping him on the back and shaking hands as if they had accomplished something great. 

“What fools we are,” laughed Sidney. “To cling to the title of men and have the nerve to call woman the fairer sex.”

The three men nodded and smiled and laughed, the previous anxiety and fear replaces with an almost giddy delight, until the bedroom door finally opened to reveal an equally smiling Mary. Sidney pushed passed her carefully, his eyes on the love of his life.

She grinned at him, her cheeks still flushed but her eyes now bright with tears and something Sidney was only beginning to recognize: a mother’s love.

She wore a fresh, clean nightdress, and her hair had been brush. She looked so young and beautiful he felt the love he had for her blossom into something fuller.

Charlotte leaned forward some, presenting the bundle in her arms. “Come meet your daughter.”

Sidney’s world shifted and his breath caught. He gently lowered himself down onto the bed next to his wife, suddenly overwhelmed with fear he’d hurt them somehow. Charlotte laughed, seeming to read his thoughts. “We’re not made of glass Mr. Parker.”

He frowned at her, though the look lacked any genuine reproach, and instead reached out to shift the blanket away from his daughter’s face. 

“She’s so...small,” he said, the surprise in his voice evident.

”Small?” Charlotte scoffed. “I assure you she didn’t feel so small a short while ago.”

Sidney’s large finger caressed the small rounded cheek of the baby. “Was it truly terrible?” He asked, some guilt in his voice.

Charlotte grimaced. “Well I won’t be rushing out to do it again right away.”

”But you’re well...truly?” His deep, low voice rumbled in his chest, unable to hide the depth of his inquiry.

She reached for his hand. “I am.”

”She did beautifully,” assured his mother-in-law. “I suspect there will be many more of these days in your future.”

Sidney felt his neck pink at her words and Charlotte’s mouth hung open. Mrs. Heywood chuckled and shared a knowing look with the midwife before adding, “Come, let us allow the new family some time alone.”

The woman moved to leave, the midwife saying, ”She’ll need freeing soon, just call if you need help.”

Left alone, Charlotte gave Sidney no time to consider before she was placing the baby to hold in his arms.

And that, dear reader, is the rather lengthy introduction to where the problem begins. In that tense moment, Sidney could not distinguish excitement from fear, anticipation from dread, and responsibility from commitment. All he knew was that he would have given his life to ensure the safety and well-being of his wife and child. 

He was no stranger to holding babies, thanks to his nieces and nephews, but it had never been a child this small and new, and it had never been his own. By instinct, he cradled the baby close to his chest, still in awe how easily she rested in just the crook of his arm all warm and cozy. A new life totally dependent on him for protection and well-being. A new life that looked like Charlotte but had his brow and ears. A new life that was a product of their love for each other, but would grow into her own, unique person. 

“Charlotte,” he breathed softly.

”I know,” came her quiet response as she placed her chin against his shoulder, allowing her to look down into her daughter’s face. “I can’t stop looking at her.”

Sidney wanted to laugh and cry and so he settled for quiet. He kissed Charlotte’s hair: whispered his love and devotion to her then turned back to the baby in his arms. The words he wanted to share stuck in his throat, but his vow to her that day needed no words and a father was born.

He missed holding her as soon as he handed her back to Charlotte and contented himself with holding both wife and child as they made their first attempt at feeding. Trial and error soon proved to be their way of life for the next few weeks as they adjusted to this new way of being.

He slept apart from them for three whole nights before Charlotte put him out of his misery. The baby slept by their bed at the start of most nights but by the early morning feeding she wound up snuggled between them, making feeding easier. Sidney had feared he’d hurt her in his sleep but found he’d developed an odd ability to sense the child even in sleep. 

He had walked the floor with her several nights when she wouldn’t settle, it seemed his deep voice calmed her, and he’d even taken to quietly singing to her, much to Charlotte’s surprise. She had no idea her husband was such a fine baritone. 

Charlotte healed quickly and found morning walks to be her preferred effort to begin the arduous process of losing the weight around her belly. Tess would usually watch the baby, especially since the mornings were still so cool, but gradually Sidney had found his way into the nursery during these morning hours, deciding any business could wait. 

“The babe will do just fine in the cradle sir,” Tess hedged one morning as Sidney cuddle the sleeping child. Truth be told, Tess was a little afraid of Mr. Parker. He seemed so brooding and intimidating, so different from his smiling wife and outgoing brothers. Yet, watching him with his small daughter seemed almost comical. When one morning the baby had covered his expensively clad shoulder in regurgitated milk, Tess had expected a frantic attempt to shove the baby into her arms, but he’d calmly turned the baby, shifting her enough to remove the now soiled coat before cleaning up the baby and redressing her into a clean gown.

”It’s not quite natural,” Tess had admitted to her mother one night. “Not for their kind.”

Mrs. Greene had only shrugged. “You never know with their sort. Could be some passing fancy. I did hear that Mrs. Parker was a gentleman farmer’s daughter, but monied folk are usually so quick to hand off their youngens. I think it’ll not last.”

But Mrs. Greene has been quite incorrect in her estimations. In fact, as the weather warmed, Mr. Parker and the baby had taken to joining Mrs. Parker in her morning constitutionals. 

“Shall I get the pram for you sir?” Tess asked, as she did most mornings.

And, as he did most mornings, Sidney refused the offer. “No, thank you Miss. Greene. We shan’t be needing it.”

He then tucked the baby against his chest, her tiny fingers clenching and unclenching again and again against his coat.  Charlotte smiled good-natured, remembering her mother’s parting words to her husband before returning home to Wellington.

“You will have to put the baby down eventually, Mr. Parker.”

Sidney had answered his mother-in-law’s teasing smile with a cheeky nod as he’d shifted the baby higher up on his shoulder. “Very true Mrs. Heywood...eventually.”

The weather was sunny and bright and though there was a strong, steady breeze, it carried with it no chill, allowing the trio to stroll happily in the day’s warmth. 

Contentedly snug in the crook of her father’s arm, the baby soon closed her eyes, safe and happy. Charlotte wove her arm through his other and leaned into his side, a gentle loving smile on her lips as she looked down at their daughter. 

“She could possibly be the most adorable creature I’ve ever laid eyes on, do you not agree, Mr. Parker?”

“Quite so Mrs. Parker,” he answered, looking from mother to child and back again. “Save one.”

His meaning was clear as he looked down at his wife with a look in his eyes that was so familiar to her, a look she had learned that was uniquely meant for her. She blushed prettily and resisted the urge to smooth a hand over her still slightly rounded belly. 

Sidney had caught her in her nightdress frowning at herself in the looking glass. Though she had lost much of the additional weight, there was a stubborn fullness to her belly that lingered. He’d reached up and smoothed the frown from her brow before placing a kiss against it. 

“You’re beautiful,” he’d whispered, drawing her close, his large hands cupping her belly, just as he had when their child had rested there. He’d made love to her that night, the first time since the baby had come. He’d been gentle and slow and thorough, worshipping her body. 

“Charlotte,” Sidney said, pulling her from her thoughts. She looked up at him, squinting against the sunlight. 

“I believe I am truly happy,” he said easily, his face solemn, as if he was unsure how to feel about this revelation. 

He had mentioned many times before the delight he’d felt at their union, the respite he now had from the years of stoicism and loneliness. His smiles came easier and more frequently. His eyes had lost the guarded, haunted look. He’d transformed because of Charlotte and the love she had for him and the love he had for her.

The arrival of the baby, however, had brought about an unexpected change.

“I believed I had come to know what happiness was when I married you,” he confessed, his voice low and gravelly. “I had spent so long being angry, and the eventual relief of such darkness allowed so much light into my life. I just didn’t realize there were any remaining shadows, but now, here in this moment, it’s as if I can see every inch of the world.”

Sidney stopped and turned to her. He leaned down, pressing his lips against hers, lingering delicately. He didn’t deepen the kiss, just took his time, breathing each other in. 

He said nothing when they separated, just again took her arm in his and resumed their walk. Since the beginning, Sidney had demonstrated an openness with Charlotte that she had learned was abnormal for him, but since their marriage—following their painful separation—it was as if she had become his sole confidant. Hearing him speak so openly after having to keep so much locked up for so long always left her with a delighted, bubbly feeling in her chest.

Their stroll, however, was soon interrupted as they met Lady Denham and Lady Babington along the clifftops. The two women were followed by the baby’s nurse pushing the pram. Charlotte quickly moved to her friend, greeting her with a smile and both women began gushing over their children respectfully.

Lady Denham just rolled her eyes as the young women prattled in and instead turned to Sidney, her beady eyes sharp and assessing. “Well, Mr. Sidney, I see reports of your devotion to your new child are not much exaggerated.”

Sidney could only bow in acknowledgment sensing neither compliment nor censure in her words.

The baby chose that moment to awaken, offering a whimper of displeasure as her tiny fingers opened like starfish and stretching her arms. Sidney shifted her up, resting her against his chest as he shushed her softly, assuring her all was well. 

The baby shifted her head from side to side until finding a place of comfort and blinked owlishly at Lady Denham.

The older woman raised an eyebrow and pressed her lips together. “Well, she is a pretty little thing. I suppose she’ll be quite spoiled though.”

Sidney felt a tightening in his jaw. His brow lowering as he opened his mouth to answer. 

“We’ll not keep you Lady Denham,” Charlotte spoke suddenly, stepping between her husband and the matriarch, offering a wide smile.  “Esther, we must have you and your son over soon. Allow these two a chance to get to know each other.”

Esther smiled her agreement and the two pairs offered bows and curtsies before moving on.

”A bitter, old woman,” Sidney muttered under his breath, his brow still furrowed with displeasure. Charlotte fought a smirk.

”Shall we walk to Tralfagar House?” She asked instead. “I haven’t seen the children in ages and Mary has been longing to see the baby.”

Sidney narrowed his eyes, a silent acknowledgment of her attempts to divert his ire. He chose not to pursue that particular conversation and asked, "Are you sure you're feeling up to walking that far and dealing with the children...and with Tom?"

She smiled reproachfully at his joke but nodded. "I assure you I am quite fully recovered. A long walk on this beautiful day seems perfect, and I can feed her when we get to Trafalgar."

They resumed their walk, sometimes speaking, sometimes lost in thought, often cooing over the baby. They arrived at Trafalgar and were greeted enthusiastically by Henry and Jenny who had been playing near the door and saw them approach. Sidney held the baby above all the jovial jostling and allowed his niece and nephew to lead them into the house. They were soon surrounded by the rest of the family. Mary gushing over the baby and doing her best to keep the children calm while Tom insisted they stay for tea. As the children took their seats the children's nurse came down for baby James. Mary offered to have the baby taken to the nursery as well.

Sidney frowned. "I'm sure she'll be fine."

Tom looked questioningly at his younger brother, but he was met with a hard look and merely gave Mary a shrug before motioning for everyone to sit. As tea was served Sidney turned the baby to allow her to look out, even as she chewed on the edge of her blanket. The older children laughed and made faces at her, earning mostly looks of consternation from the infant. About halfway through the meal she began to fuss in earnest and would not be appeased by any of her father's attempts to placate her. 

Charlotte rose and took the baby. "We'll be back."

Once Charlotte had left to feed the baby, Sidney resumed his meal and Mary laughed. "Well, I suppose seeing you without the baby in your arms is going to be a unique sight."

Sidney smiled at his sister-in-law, taking her teasing as it was meant.

"You have to be careful there," Tom interjected. "If you hold the baby too much she'll come to expect it and you'll find you can never put her down."

Sidney just sipped his tea. 

Charlotte soon returned with a fed and happy baby. They finished tea, stayed a bit longer before the baby grew fussy again, ready for a nap. Charlotte rocked her to sleep as they walked home and held the baby close. She had not lied to Sidney, she was healed from her ordeal, but the long walk had left her quiet drained and when they arrived home Sidney tucked both mother and child in bed to sleep some before the evening meal, allowing him some time to work on business matters and draft a letter to Georgianna. But he found himself much distracted by a thought that had taken seed.

Much later, as he and Charlotte peeled back the bedclothes, preparing for bed, the baby asleep in her bassinet, he finally gave voice to what had been bothering him.

"Do you think I am spoiling her?"

Charlotte blinked at him, surprised by his question. She gave no response as she slipped beneath the covers, waiting for him to also get comfortable. He blew out the candle and pulled her to his side.

"By your silence, I assume you believe I am?" he pressed.

"Making assumptions Mr. Parker?" she teased, mimicking his haughty tones from so long ago. He nudged the side of her head with his nose and sighed.

Charlotte could tell he was quite concerned and sobered. "No, I don't think you're spoiling her," she answered. "I think you love and adore her. And I know fathers aren't meant to participate so much in the rearing of an infant, but I think that you and I are the only ones who should decide what works for our family. She won't always be small enough to carry around and before we know it she'll be running and playing and looking to get away from us."

Sidney's tight inhale of air brought her short. "But that won't be or a very, very long time," she assured. "I'm not sure you and I have ever followed convention, so why start now?"

Sidney seemed to think, then nodded. "Very well. I agree. Lady Denham can hang."

Charlotte could only bury her laugh in his chest. 

The end.

Thank you for reading!


End file.
